I returned the breast pump today. I felt a mixture of relief and sadness. Relief that I am no longer tethered to a machine and my schedule is no longer dictated by discomfort. Sad because breastfeeding is one part of motherhood that I missed out on.
Faithful readers may recall that I’ve had the breastfeeding blues since Baby Z’s arrival. Six months later, I've stopped the pumping and the pills. I can rightly say that I’ve tried everything - the supplements, the babymoon, the lactation cookies, the consultant visits, the massages and compresses, Gatorade and more Gatorade. And the pumping. Oh, the pumping. I said goodbye to the hospital grade pump and the pump in the tote bag. I am also saying goodbye to the off-label use of a prescription drug to increase milk production, ordered from a pharmacy in Vanuatu (free shipping!).
Lastly, I will miss the lactation room at work. I’ll stay on the listerv, but won’t be physically part of a really lovely community of women. I will say though that I have done the best I could, and that I'm thankful that Mohamed was able to share the feeding responsibilities. Most importantly, Zacky is healthy and thriving, and loves us both.