Since we moved back to Washington DC two years ago I have not been to the temple. I have tender feelings for the Washington DC temple since that is where I first took out my endowments. MoBob recently remarked that I'd been to the Memphis temple when we were in Little Rock but not since we've lived in DC.
I used to love going to the temple. When I was in grad school I would go during free afternoons. When we were overseas I would go when we were on home leave in the U.S. or on work trips to Accra, Ghana.
Since the unfortunate pregnancy I have not felt like returning. I know this is completely irrational. Surely the temple is a source of comfort? It has been in the past. I'm just afraid of what relevations I might encounter - about myself, about my relationship with God, and about eternal life, when temporal losses are so hard to bear.
I don't have any sage advice to offer. I just wanted to comment and say that I think a lot of people step away from a source of comfort (husband, church, family, whatever) in a time of loss. Sometimes it's about big questions (is this thing right for me?), but I think it's also because to accept being comforted, you have to acknowledge the depth of your loss. I'm not sure that avoiding your faith is irrational. Maybe you just need some time to yourself to process. And if it is irrational...well, this is an emotional situation, and you might have to let your emotions reign for a bit.
I also have no good advice. I think you need to do what is right for you. I can understand stepping back for a bit. I also had a friend who stayed away "too long" (her words) after a traumatic divorce. When she finally did come back, she told me it was such a comfort, she regretted denying herself so long. Might you consider dipping your toes in with something that is not the Endowment (if that is what troubles you)? Lots of people like Initiatories, but I find Baptisms to be an untroubling sweet spot. I am sure your YW would welcome another chaperon next time they go.
It sounds hard, Sylvia. Good luck.
I'm glad I'm not the only one with this problem. I've had trouble going for the last couple of years, ever since we started having fertility trouble. I've made myself go several times, and sometimes it's really comforting. But sometimes it just brings me right back to those feelings of loss and I can't stop crying. I agree with the comment above about trying just initiatories or baptisms and see how that goes.
Hmm. you've made a revalation about yourself I'm not familiar with, but I haven't been on your friends page all that long.
I think you phrased your concerns nicely, and I imagine that someday you'll think to yourself, "This is the time to go." And when you do, don't beat yourself up for not having gone, since it wasn't the right time or place to do that.
Good luck and I hope you find comfort and healing!
I want to say something but I'm not sure what. First, I think I missed something. Second, I understand on some level - although I'm not affiliated with any religion or sect at the moment, I grew up with church and tried to explore some of those elements some years ago. It got really complicated because I don't feel that I fit, or that my beliefs, while social justice oriented, fit exactly with what I am told I should believe. But being with people in a religious context can be very comforting. Also disconcerting at times. It's always the revelations that make me feel like I don't fit, though.