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Virgin Hair

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I got my hair cut on Saturday and now I look like one of those dancing Chinese mushrooms from Fantasia.

This haircut is the result of an unfortunate combination of factors: (1) forgetting to wear contact lenses and thus being forced to take off my glasses, rendering myself legally blind; (2) my usually functional language skills do not extend to hairstyling vocabulary; and (3) remarking that the stylist (an older French lady) looked nice and would that cut look ok on me too?

In my life I've had the following haircuts:
* Chinese bowl cut (cute until the age of 5)
* Condi Rice flip
* anchorwoman bob
* lesbian until graduation buzz cut
* generic geisha tresses

My hair is my best feature. I don't do anything and it always maintains its healthy sheen. I haven't blow-dried it or hair-sprayed it since high school. The longest I went without a haircut was when I was a Peace Corps volunteer in Cameroon. There was no one who knew how to cut "white man's hair" in my village, plus there was always the threat of witchcraft using discarded hair.

When I returned to the US my mom and I went to a local beauty school for haircuts. Since I was getting so much cut off the instructor came along to cut a guide for the student stylist. The instructor held up a few strands and asked, "Have you ever permed or colored your hair?" "Nope." "This is virgin hair!" she exclaimed, and then called all the student stylists to come take a look.

Probably the last virgin thing about me, I reckon.
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On April 3rd, 2006 11:21 am (UTC), flemmarde commented:
poor you! i'm so paranoid about my hair i just can't bring myself to go to a hairdressers. i can't bear bad cuts. i just trim it myself (which is kind of hard at the back) or get my girl to do it for me in the bathroom when it becomes so dry and straw like even i can't bear it any more.

that must have been quite a shock when you put your glasses back on! can you get it fixed?
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On April 3rd, 2006 02:03 pm (UTC), flemmarde replied:
hahahah... i kind of got one of them once. all was going ok, she seemed to be doing what i wanted, then right at the end she lifted all the hair at the front and cut it short back across the top of my head in a triangle shape. it all happened so fast i didn't have time to stop her and my, did it take a long time to grow out.
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On April 4th, 2006 06:09 am (UTC), flemmarde replied:
lol! what a cow.

see that's why i won't go to them anymore...
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On April 3rd, 2006 11:52 am (UTC), mynuet commented:
If it helps, I went through hair trauma at the end of last semester. The chick giving the haircut made me look like I had giant blue cocker spaniel ears.
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On April 3rd, 2006 11:54 am (UTC), ticklethepear replied:
I wish I could color my hair. But apparently my hair isn't damaged enough to absorb color...I did have a burgundy rinse for awhile. Any redder and I look like I have a protein deficiency.

Maybe I should try blue? If it works for Milo, maybe it'll work for Mo-Bob.
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On April 3rd, 2006 12:03 pm (UTC), mynuet replied:
Well, the thing is that for any color lighter than your natural one to stick, you have to bleach your hair. That's why if you, say, use a box to dye brown/black hair to auburn, the box contains stinky stuff. Otherwise it might stay for a brief period, but after a week or two at the most it'll fade away to nothing.

Short version: bleach first.
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On April 3rd, 2006 12:10 pm (UTC), ticklethepear replied:
Maybe this will go on the "when we return to the US" list, as I hate to think what hair dye chemicals here are like.

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On April 3rd, 2006 11:52 am (UTC), ticklethepear commented:
Well, I've gotten several positive comments here at the office and apparently Mo-Bob finds dancing Chinese mushrooms exciting so I shouldn't complain.

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On April 3rd, 2006 12:53 pm (UTC), (Anonymous) commented:
Dancing Chinese Mushroom...heh heh heh
God that made me laugh hysterically, especially as you were so thoughtful as to find the ever-so-politically-incorrect little fungus to include as a visual. Effing hilarious! Now I want to see a REAL picture of the haircut...I'm sure it looks fab.

I tremble at the thought of trying to convey my hair wishes in anything but English. I finally found a Canadian guy here who is great (and cheaper than the locals!), so I'm saved. Well, 'saved' insofar as I now don't live in fear of the dreaded 'German-red' hair. Or a random purple or pink stripe in my hair. For some god-only-knows reason, older ladies in this area are wont to have '80s-style New Wave haircuts and colors around here. YIKES.

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On April 3rd, 2006 01:05 pm (UTC), ticklethepear replied:
Re: Dancing Chinese Mushroom...heh heh heh
You mean the "Run Lola Run" look doesn't appeal to you?!
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