As I've been telling people our news I've been so touched at how deeply people have reacted. I'd say the majority of my friends have teared up. I'm tempted to blame hormones but this has been an incredibly intense experience for me for two main reasons:
* over the past year I've been questioning the quality of my friendships. I've been hurt and disappointed by many people, from petty slights to real emotional injuries. I've tried hard to be a good friend but apparently that's not always enough.
* I am genuinely in mourning for my childless life and all the things I'd planned to do that I won't be able to for the next 5-10-20 years. Yes, I know at I can bring Bassou along on a lot of them, and yes, I know that this is one season of many in my life, but now I'm like, WTH was I thinking? No more trapeze class/open mic night/scuba diving certification, etc. I know we will have other adventures but it doesn't mean I can't be sad for my old bucket list.
On September 20th, 2012 06:10 pm (UTC), (Anonymous) commented:
who says you can't take a trapeze class when you have a kid?? i'd babysit bassou for you while you went and did it. or rob and i could go with you guys as a double date and we can take turns holding the baby. or... bassou can just try it too. so many options. anyway, joanna goddard has a baby and she did it (http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2012/05/nyc-dates-trapeze-class.html).
i didn't mean for this to focus just on the trapeze class but i just really want this trapeze dream to be fulfilled. -hannah
Your decision to be a mom is a huge one and it is a sacrifice. I often miss my "old" life or my imagined "lives". I have about 20 life plans and only one life to live. It has been very liberating this year for 3 of my 4 to be in school. With just me and Vinny at home, I feel like I'm getting a bit of identity back. That said, we have decided to have another baby who will also be born in April! This 5th baby was actually the hardest decision I have made in my life. Choosing motherhood is a hard choice. All the more for someone so smart and in such a rewarding career-to be quite honest I would have struggled more in your shoes. As it is, I've been home for awhile, would need to go back to school, and blah blah to fill my dreams. Still, we only have one life and this is a great decision. I hope the "no book" isn't depressing you! You have made a wonderful, courageous and unselfish decision-and yes, it is hard.
It was SO wonderful when I saw how many people on Facebook were so lovely and supportive and excited for you! I'm so so so pleased for you both.
And I know I don't have a lot of experience with the 'before babies' bucket list - but there are SO many wonderful things you'll get to experience as a mommy. :)
I just saw this post and had to comment. I completely understand your mourning your childless life. I am not even pregnant yet but am mourning my own! We are in the stage where we know we are going to be trying sooner rather than later, and to be honest, it freaks me out! I keep thinking, I can't do this or that once we get pregnant/have a baby! And then of course, I feel as though I haven't accomplished nearly as much as I wanted to before having kiddos. Let me know how you get through your own mourning stage. Or maybe it never really goes away?