Although my testimony is a constant work in progress, and has ebbed and flowed, it never disappeared. I have never questioned my decision to join the Church. Sometimes I flinch and sometimes I grieve, most recently with the news that Mormons were instrumental in developing and authorizing torture protocols.
And sometimes, maybe more often than I care to admit, there is silence in response to my prayers. I try not to worry about it. So I was interested in the news that even Mother Teresa had a spiritual crisis - and for decades. If Mother Teresa had doubts, what hope is there for me? I guess the point to remember is that she persevered despite this overwhelming secret, she managed to live a Christ-like existence. I could only try to do the same.
NPR: Mother Teresa's Spiritual Crisis at Center of New Book
Time: Mother Teresa's Crisis of Faith
Doesn't it sometimes feel like you will never get it right? I go through the same thing sometimes and then I think to myself how do other Christians do it. I am learning though that they too go through it but just don't mention it for fear of what it looks like. Kind of sad too because I think the greatest part of being Christian is the community of believers that you are part of.
Being Christ-like when you are not feeling like Christ is terrifically hard...I admire Mother Theresa for this...
I thought about you after reading this article in the Chronicle:
I've never seen her in person but she's very admired in the Mo world. I've known so many women who've made the same kind of marriage. I think for a long time gays and lesbians were told "just get married and you'll be cured."
I don't think that anyone who ever pursued a spiritual path has been exempt from questioning. It is part of the process. Despite the qualms that I have with most institutions, I try to remember that they are mere mortals, and that the religion itself, although "exemplified" by them, is not them.
I am curious about your statement on silence in response to your prayers. Is that really true?
Yeah. I used to feel some kind of response - a sudden insight, or a warm feeling, or even, one time, a voice saying NO in my head. (this was when I asked if I should wait for the boy I liked at the time) Now I rarely "hear" anything, and I'm not sure why.
It's kind of like Muslims too - so many stereotypes and suspicions - although the difference is that Mormons are considered very American and super-patriotic. It sucks too for those of us trying to build Mormon-Muslim dialogue.